By Lysa Nelson

What are the practices you utilize when you find yourself needing help dealing with family, relationships, personal trials, finances, physical fitness, and maintenance of your emotional, mental, and even spiritual well-being? How do you navigate all the nuances of  your business world, particularly if you are new to your chosen career path? What do you do when you find yourself with more questions than you can Google answers for or when you feel directionless and become frozen and immobile, simply because you just do not know the first step to take?  It is here, in the dawn of uncertainty, that the paths can be lit by a guide more seasoned in any or all these areas, and that guide is what you call a mentor.

The word mentor is derived from Greek literature and means “a wise and trusted counselor (advisor) or teacher.”  It can be defined as “someone who guides another to greater success.”  Mentor has also been defined as “a person having experience who provides personal or professional guidance.”

The word comes from the Indo-European root men-, meaning “to think,” thusly, a mentor does not simply guide or direct, they too must think of all the moving parts of a mentor/mentee dynamic.  Let me elaborate by sharing my personal experience with you.

Over the years, I have had the privilege of partnering in mentorship with many people in their mortgage careers. Delving into such areas as relationships, leading from the front, managing up, managing styles, negotiating, perspective, and climbing the corporate ladder. However, what gives me the most pleasure, the most joy, and where I believe I reap the greatest benefits as a mentor, are from the women, many of which are young, that I have the pleasure of guiding through life as a recovering alcoholics or drug addicts. Especially when I engage with these women from broad backgrounds who have an incredible number of hurdles to overcome.

Here is my role as I see it. First and foremost, I pass the knowledge and experience I possess to those who seek it. A mentor usually serves as a source of experience in effort to help foster strength and point a mentee in the direction of growth. The “thinking” part for a mentor comes into play here as we must come from a place of grace and tolerance when providing guidance. Mentors must be forever understanding, compassionate, and patient. A mentor must keep in the forefront of his or her mind that not everyone learns the same way and must be consistently thinking of ways they can deliver information, education, and suggestions that will best serve their mentee. When working in conjunction with women in recovery from addiction that face an incredible number of hurdles to overcome,  it is particularly important to be mindful before giving any advice.

Being a mentor also requires being cognitive of their mentees frame of reference. In effort to help someone through any type of situation or challenge, you must understand their past experiences.  As a mentor, I do not get to just blindly tell someone what to do. Mentorship involves listening, asking open ended questions, challenging the mentee, and championing them toward change. People seeking mentorship have most often come from an environment where they have learned some behaviors and perspectives that are just not working and often just lack the ability to move in a forward direction without additional support. It is only when a mentor understands all facets that a mentor can discern the best guidance, suggestions, and paths to moving forward.

To be an effective mentor, one needs to be acutely self-aware which lends to being proficient at reading people and be equally prepared as a mentee to be completely vulnerable. As a mentor, I have a personal responsibility to be open and honest about my own experiences, personal and professional, and successes as well as failures in effort to convey the gravity of how anyone, from anywhere, that has or needs to overcome any situation, can in fact take that journey and arrive in a place where they find peace, restoration, success, growth, whatever their defined “IT” may be.

Mentors must also be prepared to be completely honest with their mentees to discuss with them candidly processes or thought patterns that may need changing. I consider it of paramount importance to be able to do this; otherwise, as a mentor, I am not being of service to my mentee. The relationship between a mentor and mentee needs to be one in which both meet as equals and experience shared on a continuous basis encouraging close support. In this relationship, both parties gain strength, the mentor by giving and the mentee by receiving the knowledge. I am a firm believer that I must give it away to keep it. Additionally, mentors need to be a consistent source of encouragement and need to refrain from imposing their personal views. The way I see it, I should be providing my mentees with a toolbox and teaching a mentee how to rely on and use those tools, to not just rely on me as their mentor. I refer to this as giving them the wings to fly. Also, a mentor needs to show a continuing interest in a mentee’s success; there is no destination that one arrives at, we are always a work in progress.

When you are looking for a mentor, there are some important things to consider. First, it should be someone that you feel you can be comfortable with and can speak freely with, because, the truth is, the process will only be as effective as what you put into it; mentorship is a two-way street. Next, it should be someone you can turn to without fear of embarrassment with your doubts and questions.  You would be wise to select someone who you have seen demonstrate what it is you are looking for, mentorship with, and upon speaking with them ensure they “walk the talk.”  You may find a mentor that can provide general direction and a new perspective on just one area of your life or many. All you must do is to be willing to ask.

A MENTOR IS SOMEONE WHO ALLOWS YOU TO SEE THE HOPE INSIDE YOURSELF

-OPRAH WINFREY

If you would like any further information on this subject or have any questions that may be of a more specific in nature, please do not hesitate to contact me at [email protected].