One of my first mentors was my mother. She is a retired professor of English Literature and
Library Sciences. I remember her dragging my sister and me from one university campus to
another campus as she studied for her master’s degree or as she taught classes. We would spend hours in the
library, cafeteria, and student union, playing hopscotch and video games right outside her
classes.
Afterward, we would come home, and my mother would go straight to the kitchen, make dinner,
and then sit us at the kitchen table and go over our lessons for the day. My mom was my super
woman, and every time I had challenges, I would absorb all of her direction and guidance. Her words of wisdom, hard work ethic, and persistence for success and survival gave me the
tools to weather any storm ahead, and I remember feeling so fortunate to have her in my corner.
I still do, so many years later.
This is what mentorship means.
Back in the day, when I used to think of mentorship, it wasn’t something I wanted. I would
envision someone much older, set in their own ways, imposing their methodology on me. The
idea of having someone break down my goals and assess my career path was stressful; it felt
a lot like parenting or micromanaging.
Thinking back, it just makes me realize that my whole perception and understanding was wrong.
I was being mentored and I didn’t even know it, and I am still benefiting from it today. I have a
handful of mentors in my life, and even today, every now and then when I’m in a bind, I call them
up and use them as a sounding board.
Mentorship is an incredibly valuable relationship that can change your life; and likewise, by
giving a little of yourself, you can change someone else’s life.
I grew up in a time where I didn’t actually see many female leaders or have many mentors
easily accessible. This makes female role models even more valuable. How incredibly valuable are those female mentors who showed us what is possible. How incredibly valuable is the opportunity to do the same for tomorrow’s female leaders.
Here are five steps to maximize your legacy through mentoring women:
- Recognize you have so much to offer.
Yes, YOU. No one is short of providing value and contributing to the betterment of others.
Everything someone has taught you is now a part of you; you have gathered all of these gifts
and consolidated them in a way that is completely unique. Your set of experiences is also
unique.
Together, everything you have gathered and learned can shed light for someone else.
Women often take their achievements for granted, but as you start sharing, you realize just how
valuable your history is.
What we owe in return to our role models is to pay it forward. Share those stories with someone
who needs to see that their efforts will pay off someday. Offer advice to someone who is struggling.
Listen to someone who needs a sounding board. Value the gift that you are now in a position to
be a role model and support someone else’s growth. As you lead by example, they will pay it
forward as well.
- Mentoring doesn’t have to be a one-way street.
You will find that as you open your heart, it can benefit you as much as it does your mentee.
Mentorship creates a community that consists of more seasoned colleagues, leaders, younger
colleagues, and industry peers faced with challenges just like us. If you’re mentoring someone
younger or from a different space, there is a mutual benefit as we look through each other’s
lenses and exchange ideas from our own perspectives. I find that when I set out to help
someone, I end up learning valuable insights from them as well. Whether or not you set out to
form a collaboration, that is what it often becomes in the end. Our diverse experiences provide
an authentic and mutually beneficial pathway to excelling in our spaces and expanding our
networks.
- Chemistry is important.
When seeking a mentor or taking a mentee under your wing, it’s important to gravitate to them
naturally. You have to have a good vibe and comfortable feeling when connecting so you can
both open up to sharing goals, achievements, and vulnerabilities.
It is worth taking that risk to open up to another person. Mentors can provide critical guidance in
breaking down the barriers we build up in our own heads; barriers that cause us to not see our
full potential. Looking at ourselves through someone else’s eyes can equip us with the
ability to transcend our own expectations. The benefits are invaluable.
As a mentee, ask your leaders to evolve and broaden their horizons. As a mentor, see your
mentee’s strengths that they might not know they possess and provide the honest, positive
feedback that is all too rare. Show women what they are capable of achieving.
- Do not gate-keep your connections.
Networking is critical in today’s world. We each have a unique network, and that’s an incredible
resource for your mentee. Make your network accessible so that your mentee can benefit.
Empower her with invitations to speak and attend exclusive events, write for publications, meet
industry leaders, and make meaningful connections. A selfish benefit for you is that it
takes the pressure off of you to provide your mentee with everything she needs. They can use
new opportunities as a springboard to gather all kinds of knowledge and opportunities, which they can
use to advance themselves.
As you make those connections, be mindful and deliberate in pairing people together. This is an
area where a small effort can have tremendous effects. One connection you make, perhaps at
no cost beyond the time it takes to send an email introducing two people, can change the
trajectory of someone’s future.
Don’t be shy to ask your mentee to share her connections as well. There are many obstacles
each of us must overcome, and mentors can be helpful in creating relationships, building
networks, and inviting you to participate in exclusive forums.
As a mentee, understand that mentors are taking a risk in putting forth your name. Appreciate
the responsibility as well as the opportunities it brings. This effort on your mentor’s part provides
priceless opportunities for you to demonstrate your ability to perform and deliver.
- Have your mentee’s best interest at heart.
Your mentee’s success is your success, and her growth is your legacy. What an incredible truth
to really internalize. Your legacy is not limited to your own actions; it extends throughout future
generations via anyone you touch and anyone with whom that person shares what they gained
from you.
As a mentor, we have to have our mentee’s best interest at heart. Mentorship conversations are
often raw and honest, and trust is essential. When someone is headed in the wrong direction,
provide clarity and direction. By the same token, see her potential and point that out as well.
Good mentors don’t have to have all the answers; simply offering unconditional support is an
invaluable benefit, especially during turbulent times. Mentorship is a true and genuine
relationship that flourishes through time and experiences.
During a time of challenges, it’s more important than ever to resist the instinct to scale back and
retreat into ourselves. Instead, think about broadening your impact. Current times offer
incredible potential for us to move forward and reconfigure the scene with which we’re faced.
Sir Isaac Newton said, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”
To everyone you uplift, you are that giant. In that role of a giant, enable others to benefit from whatever knowledge you have gained.
Expand your influence and impact through mentorship and watch your legacy grow.
The Best Advice
Changing someone’s life through mentorship is altruistic in a way, but it benefits you as well. It
maximizes your legacy in building and empowering women (and men!). Every time we give
back, we give a little of ourselves, and before you know it, your contributions have turned into an
impactful force, benefitting so many other people.
We have to make choices about how we will spend our time. Time is a valuable commodity. But
allocating some of our time and effort to mentor others is an investment that will last far beyond
many of the other activities we do in the course of a day. We can make a mark on the people we
touch, on the future.
In short, while providing support to others as a mentor, open yourself up to the possibility of
being a mentee in this journey called life. Put your best self forward and don’t shy away from the
hard work that comes with it. When you invest in a project or effort, add value and own your
work. Ensure it’s something you are truly proud of, and autograph it with your unique signature.
Always take a few moments to reassess and recalibrate frequently, and be the giant for
someone else.
Laila Khan currently serves as the Assistant Vice President of Marketing and Communications at Guidance Residential. Laila is active across the industry in organizations, as a speaker and as a contributor to publications. She’s been recognized as a Top 20 Sales, Marketing, and PR Trailblazer, a recipient of the MBA Diversity and Inclusion Scholarship, and was recently awarded the 2020 Women With Vision Award from 20/20 Vision Coaching. Laila lives outside of Washington D.C. with her husband and three children.
