In November 2018, I penned an article for Mortgage Women Magazine entitled “2019: The Year of Me,” with simple intentions. I wanted to share my story of overcoming failure with others, but I also wanted to make a public declaration of my goals for the upcoming year. By broadcasting my goals for all to see, my hope was that others would hold me accountable to those goals and would call me out if I started to make excuses as to why I had to give up. Little did I know that one simple article would set me on a path that would not only change my life but would also open up doors that I never even knew existed.

As I look towards 2020, I also want to look back at what “The Year of Me” truly meant and how it has defined one of the most critical years of my life, both personally and professionally.

My idea behind coining 2019 “The Year of Me” was simple. I knew that if I was going to achieve my long-term goals in this business, I had to invest in myself. I needed to educate myself on how to be a better leader, but I also needed to expand my knowledge on what makes the mortgage industry operate. With that, I set out on finishing a goal that had been on my bucket list for three years: obtaining my Certified Mortgage Banker designation from the Mortgage Bankers Association. I also enlisted in the services of a professional coach, who helped me not only have a better understanding on what makes me “me,” but also gave me the tools to better advocate for myself.

I continued writing for a few publications, in addition to engaging with as many people as I could, in an effort to grow my network. With every connection I made, I learned something new about this business, but an unintended outcome also came out of my expanding network: an outcome that would later serve as a needed outlet for me during a time when I was at my lowest.

One of the key nuggets of knowledge I acquired from my coach that I applied right away was how important it would be for me to utilize social media in order to ensure my network could hold me accountable for reaching my goals. While using social media to expand my reach was not a foreign concept to me, what was foreign was me sharing my achievements with people with whom I may not have even met. I honestly did not understand why anyone would care about my story, or I would worry that people would think that I was bragging.

Sharing my progress throughout the year on social media was not easy for me, as it meant I was opening myself up to rejection or ridicule. What ended up happening was that I got to meet people who have already made such a positive impact in my life, and I would learn that I am not alone in my journey. With every award I won, with every accomplishment I unlocked, more people reached out to me with praise and accolades. It still blows my mind that some of the most powerful professionals in this industry took time out of their day to offer me words of kindness and gratitude over the course of the year. The more I put myself out there, more opportunities came my way, and I was finding myself experiencing a level of success I had never even thought was possible.

While 2019 was one of the most successful years I have ever had during my professional career, it was not without moments of difficulty, doubt, loss, or pain. I continued to struggle with finding my own identity and voice, especially when I was in meetings or in group settings. I would often find myself hunkered in the back of a room, away from where all the action was, because I still felt like I did not belong at the big table. It did not help when I was once told that I was too ambitious, which further fueled the “Imposter Monster” inside of me. I started to retreat from the activities that brought me joy because I was worried I would upset people, and the depression reared its ugly head again.

The low point of the year came when my mother passed away suddenly in September at only 64 years of age. It is no secret to my closest confidants that I had a very strained relationship with my mom, and her passing brought many feelings to the surface that I had buried for years. I was overwhelmed with regret when I started to play every “what if” scenario in my head, but instead of sitting in my feelings, all alone, I did something I was not used to doing: I reached out to my network for help.

As a result of me sharing so much of my year with my connections on LinkedIn and Facebook, I ended up developing my own little safety net of sorts. As I shared the news of my mother’s death, and how I was not dealing with it very well, I was flooded with love and support from this network of people I had created. When I realized that I was not forced to be alone with my grief, I was able to work through the grief with others who have gone through similar experiences. This support system of friends and colleagues has truly been my saving grace through the most difficult time in my life. With their help, I have been able to find my joy again.

The year 2020 will bring new challenges and exciting opportunities for me, and my love for this business has never been stronger. I am truly blessed to where I am today, and I know that my mother will be with me as I navigate through this chapter and beyond. The most valuable lesson I have learned is that “The Year of Me” does not have to end when 2019 comes to a close. Continually putting myself first makes me a better mortgage professional, a better wife, a better mother, and a better friend.

I would be remiss if I didn’t give a special “thank you” to my amazing husband, Gabriel. He has been by my side at every turn, often at the expense of his own needs, and continues to be at my side today. He saw me at my absolute best and my absolute worst in 2019, and not once did he waver in his support. I am grateful and lucky to have him in my corner.

– Leora Ruzin, CMB

Leora Ruzin, CMB is proud to be the new Managing Editor of Mortgage Women Magazine. She currently lives in Chicago with her husband, daughter, and two cats.