By Meg Daily

Recently a friend messaged me “Meg! My boss is hiring speakers for an upcoming women’s leadership conference and I gave her your information.” A few weeks later her boss says to me, “our theme this year is Centered Leadership…are you familiar with it?” Years ago, I would have stalled with small talk while frantically consulting Professor Google. Now, I now choose authenticity!

I learned Centered Leadership (CL) was born out of the McKinsey Institute and brought to life by Joanna Barsh and Johanna Lavoie’s book titled Centered Leadership: Leading With Purpose, Clarity, and Impact. It’s composed of five practical tools for living and working in a more mindful manner. In preparation for the keynote, I spoke with various members of the leadership organization. They all harbored a common desire: to feel more grounded.

I always ask clients two questions:

1. What do you want more of in your life?
2. What do you want less of?

Not surprisingly, the most common responses are “peace” and “stress.” The thing is, creating a more “high vibe” life personally and professionally isn’t always as easy as it sounds. The feelings you want to feel, the goals you strive to reach, and the life you desire may sometimes feel unattainable.

As a coach, I’ve facilitated corporate workshops, launched self- love summits, worked privately with clients, and ran courses on the power of intuition. What I’ve learned is people simply want practical tools to rise above the noise of conflict and away from feeling triggered. In other words, we all just want to FEEL better.

CL is an effective strategy to establish more meaning, connection, and balance in your life. It’s a way out of the chaos and into flow. Here’s a brief overview of the elements along with my some of my own tools…

CL Element #1: Meaning

Years ago, a woman I knew contacted me about my services. To me, she was the epitome of genuine elegance. The way she dressed, spoke, ran her business, treated others, and showed up to life. As we sipped tea while settling into her luxurious couch, she took a breath and said, “I don’t know who I am, what I want, or why I’m here.”

Who knew?!

As humans, we have the universal desire to discover our purpose. CL invites you into meaning by identifying what you value and creating a life around it. When you begin to feel the way you want to feel and give freely of your gifts, you find yourself living your purpose naturally.

Practical Tool: The Calendar Trick

1. Create two columns on a sheet of paper and label them “highlights” and “lowlights.”
2. Look through the past 12 months of your calendar identifying key activities, people, and choices and place them in either column.
3. Next, schedule the top 3-5 highlights into your calendar immediately.
4. Finally, place the lowlights list where it’s visible as a reminder not to do those things again!

P.S. There will be lowlights you are required to do as we all have responsibilities with work, etc. In these instances, list out ways in which you can shift your mindset around them.

CL Element #2: Positive Framing

Framing is self-awareness, looking for the silver lining, and letting things go after the learning has occurred. It’s having the grace to pause when triggered and deciding how you want to experience that moment. My therapist is full of tough love and powerful reminders. My favorites?

• You have little control over your feelings.
• You have some control over your thinking.
• You possess a massive amount of control over your behavior.

I refer to the conflicting parts of myself as “Elegant Evelyn” and “Frantic Franny.” The former thinks before she speaks, resists the urge to react, and stays in her business. Franny becomes impatient, overwhelmed, and works herself into a tizzy. The magic of Elegant Evelyn is she realizes her reaction creates her reality. Here’s one of my favorite tools…

Practical Tool: PCC (Pause. Challenge. Choice.)

1. Pause: Before you speak, click “join” for the virtual meeting, or open the door to the coffee shop, stop and take a breath.
2. Challenge: Next, challenge yourself with a question, such as “What do I want to accomplish?” “Who do I want to be right now?” “How do I want to feel after this is over?”
3. Choice: Finally, make a choice on how to show up. Your present-day choices predict your experiences tomorrow. With this kind of power, who needs a psychic?!

CL Element #3: Connection

During a recent workshop, we discussed roadblocks to happiness. A participant raised her hand and quietly said, “I just think as a society we’ve become so isolated.” Heads nodded and murmurs of “oh yes” resounded.

Are you searching to belong? For years as a divorced woman without children living in the suburbs, I felt like a fish out of water. Guess what I discovered? So do a lot of people even if they “fit the mold!” Immersing yourself in the energy of trust has the power to create community. CL invites you to build it by staying open, practicing acceptance, courageously practicing vulnerability, and creating alignment with what you think, say, and do.

When you trust yourself, people feel it and are attracted to you. You feel their reaction and your confidence grows.

Practical Tool: Your Divine Team

1. Find a pencil and piece of paper. In the center, draw a circle and within it a picture of you or a vision statement.
2. Next, draw four circles around the edges of the paper titled finances, relationships, well-being, and environment. In each circle list the people you have or would want on your team.
3. Finally, examine how these relationships are being nurtured by drawing arrows between your vision and each person. Do the arrows go both ways signifying reciprocity? If not, how can you create more of it?

CL Element #4: Engaging

Someone once asked, “Meg, what are you getting from refusing to forgive yourself?” It took awhile but eventually what came through was it’s a crutch allowing me to hide on the sidelines of life. Engaging invites you into presence. It asks you to find your voice (literally and figuratively!) by taking ownership of your life. I love how vision boards help you consciously create your ideal life. What I love even more is the next exercise…

Practical Tool: Embodiment

What do you truly desire? Write it down.

Next, craft a story around it. Think of it as the movie of your life. Where do you live? What clothes do you wear? What foods do you eat? What does your office and home look like? Who are your costars? How do you spend your time? How do you nurture yourself? How do you treat others? How do you feel when wake up and go to bed?

Embodiment takes your vision from “out there” or “one day” into your body, mind, and spirit right now. It’s a powerful tool you can do in five seconds or on a long daydreaming walk. Better yet, write new chapters and scenes in your journal every day. Use your imagination as you breathe in and out your vision. Become that person and see what happens. My best days are always when I choose to embody Elegant Evelyn!

CL Element #5: Energizing

Overwhelm. Stress. Anxiety. All the things holding you back from your purpose and potential. What would your experience as a leader within your community, home, or organization with more self-care and ease?

Without managing your energy, it’s difficult to activate the previous elements. Refining the clutter within your heart, mind, and environment builds your energy versus burning it.  Your power is immense. Quit giving it away to people, situations, and drama. Reclaiming your energy is the ultimate expression of self-love.

How do you do it?

• Quality sleep
• Paying attention to your “intake” (food, beverages, social media, other people’s energy)
• Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
• Decreasing physical and mental clutter
• Moving your body
• Incorporating rituals into your day
• Listening to your gut

Easier said than done? This next tool is essential before any type of breakthrough can occur.

Practical Tool: Permission Slip

What are you resisting? Forgiveness? Fun? Adventure? Speaking your truth? Saying yes? Saying no? Give yourself permission to let go of what is holding you back in order to have the energy to create the life you claim to desire.

Recently, I wrote myself an extensive permission slip. Here’s an excerpt:

I give myself permission to not always say or do the right thing.

I give myself permission to quit performing.

I give myself permission to stop making myself digestible to others.

I give myself permission to not always “make things right.”

I give myself permission to set and maintain healthy and loving boundaries.

I give myself permission to take a nap.

Take a few minutes to write your own. Post it on your bathroom mirror as a daily reminder

that you are in charge of you. Intentionally incorporating Centered Leadership in your everyday supports your vision and elevates your joy. Your light shines brighter and magically opportunities and people show up right when you need them most. In fact, your illumination not only supports you, but inspires others to do so as well. So, go ahead… shine on!

Meg is passionate about helping each individual, no matter what their organizational role, to discover their unique gifts so they can create a more effective life at work and at home. By cultivating true self-acceptance and self-possession, Meg’s clients are able to shift powerfully from “I want” all the way over to “I am.”